This article was originally published on MindBodyGreen.com.

 

I have been teaching people about sexuality for two decades. Consistently, when I ask people what they think they need in order to feel sexually empowered, without reservation, the number one answer I get is “I want more confidence.” Insecurity isn’t sexy.

Helping people build confidence is a huge part of my work. Confidence (sexual and otherwise) is a huge result of the work we do.

So, why do most people seem to lack sexual confidence? Why is this crucial element of sexual currency hard to develop and hang on to? Here are the key reasons — and my time-tested strategies for breaking through them to true, lasting self-confidence — inside and outside of the bedroom.

1. People lack sexual information.

Sexual ignorance contributes greatly to people’s lack of self-assurance. How do you build confidence in anything? In large part, by getting good at it. That happens through practice. When you develop skills to do something well, your confidence grows. So, you’ve got to find some version of adult sex education that’s right for you, and work on the skills you want.

Maybe you need to learn more about touch, flirtation, communication, or asking for what you want. Maybe you need to learn more about your body and how to have mind-blowing orgasms. Whatever it is you need to learn, it’s a process almost completely controlled by you. That’s great news.

2. There is no way to compare your sexual skills.

As much as I discourage people from comparing themselves to others, we are naturally inclined to make comparisons as a means of learning about ourselves. It’s not until you go to someone else’s house that you realize that yelling all the time isn’t necessarily normal. It’s not until your professor tells you the class grade breakdown that you realize you did really great, or could do better. It’s not until you see that drawing or singing doesn’t come naturally to everyone else that you realize you have a gift.

With sex, there is no reality-based comparison for how you have sex. READ MORE>>

 

Photo Credit: Peter Grifoni / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

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