So many expectations go into the holidays and what will happen. If you are in a new relationship there is the new relationship giddiness, or meeting the family for the first time anxiety. And if you planned well, you’ve set aside some of your winter to go somewhere tropical and sexy.
Puritanically speaking, holidays are very polished and family-oriented…we might hear talk of the excitement of new dreams or the gratitude of another beautiful year. But it’s rare that people include other kinds of warmth–the heat of passion, kisses beyond the mistletoe, and carnal union. In the hustle of present acquisition, big meal planning, and travel arrangements, once again, sexuality is the in-the-closet-cousin-we-don’t-talk-about of the holidays.
You go home to see your parents or in-laws and you are in cramped quarters, huddled under one roof to celebrate being together, and then you feel so cramped with your sweetie that you have no way to actually “be together”. I can recall several holidays of sex on the carpet next to the squeaky bed, just for the opportunity to be sexual with my partner even though potentially disapproving parents were in the house. Most people fear doing even that!
It’s so easy to go right through December and into a new year without sex or much sexual expression at all. I talk to people every day about the sex lives they really want but don’t have. About waiting for their lover to activate their own desire. About wanting the other to take the lead, to want them, and then, when it doesn’t happen, disappointment ensues again, which, when experienced enough, turns into hopelessness about the sexual relationship. These patterns couldn’t be more apparent to me then at this time of year, as people try to squeak in just a little more sexiness before the year ends.
You don’t have to end your year with sexless holidays. Since holidays are meant to open us up–to the divine, to our belief systems, to time with people we don’t see often enough–why not open up physically and invite yourself to end your year with your sexuality front-center, rather than shoved in a box in the closet with the unused Christmas decorations? Why not find creative ways to bring some new sensual experiences to the holiday experience you know and love?
For many, holidays are “the more things change, the more they stay the same.” The same dinner conversation ensues that happened last year. It’s another planned vacation that ends up sexless because your lover didn’t coax you into a sexy mood and you relied on them to make the moves. Wanting something to change desperately and then watching it all be the same groundhog day all over again.
The holidays lend themselves to sensuality. Turn up the knob this year. That could include the way you share food, play, laugh or embrace the new things, smells, and the delights you receive. It could be your new outfit that makes you feel good. It could be hearing live music or playing it yourself. It might be the way you choose to give, or what you choose to give.
Want to express more sexiness? Go shopping for a new deliciously decadent outfit and use it strategically with an invitation for an erotic night. Been fantasizing about experiencing sexual submission? Wrap yourself in a bow with a note giving your lover permission to have their way with you (details are encouraged).
It could be time you set aside for you and your lover. It could be choosing to say, even with all this time with our family, “our sexy time is also a priority.” With all that build up to the holidays, release is certainly in order. Letting go. Being easy and allowing yourself to have fun. To lay in bed a little longer, to be a little lazy. To treat your body to things that feel good: everything from “masturdates”, to wooded walks, to movie dates, to a long bath.
What will you do differently to close out your year with your sexual self intact? Don’t make it another sexless holiday. Santa wants you to feel pleasure, and so do I.
If you want to start your new year with concentrated attention on your sexual self, join me for one of two rituals where you will create your New Year’s plan for the 7 areas of your sexuality in 2013. Details here!