Often, underneath the need to please is a deep fear of abandonment—that if we don’t do it “right” or do as we are expected to, we will lose something or someone.
Porn in 2013 has become the ubiquitous other woman. The porn debate is intense and complex for many people. I hear people talk about the role they think porn is playing in their sexual lives and I’ve noticed a big pattern where many women feel like it gets in the way of their being able to be intimate with their partners. Maybe that’s true, but I think there are other factors going on that I want to address in this article.
Here's the deal: the intricacies of daily life ARE somewhat at odds with the desire to feel sexually 'on' all the time. When your mundane life takes over, all of the details of the house, chores, errands, bills, laundry, and other daily tasks put a serious damper on your sex life. These things are NOT particularly sexy. Although a creative person can put some sexy in there, these things put a damper on sex and sexiness. They do not tend to inspire passion and creativity. Rather, they are about basic survival and productivity. Not all that sexy.
Amy Jo Goddard & Marcia Baczynski share strategies on how to ask for and get what you want in intimate relationships.
Sometimes when we are struggling to love ourselves as much as we wish we could, somebody comes into our lives and they love us so fiercely, so big and so wholly, that they teach us how to love ourselves. They become our model for our own self-love.
You disempower yourself and you prevent yourself from having what you really want with your "if onlys". "If only" is a clue you are making an excuse. How often do you find yourself thinking or saying, "I'd do it, if only..."? I want to suggest that you get that little phrase out of your vocabulary.
Men who learn to use their fingers, hands, mouths and brains in sex will be far less destabilized when erectile difficulties crop up. They know they have many tools of pleasure at the ready and they will use them rather than the alternative: avoiding sex altogether.
Some of the best sex I have ever had was planned. Whether it meant just setting aside time with my lover to devote to it so we could be present and not feel like we were squeezing it in between other things, or whether it was an elaborate, creative date that required a few errands, a few emails to entice one another or some other form of organization, in either case, a plan was required. In fact, for a creative date, sex has begun when the scheming begins and for me, that’s half the fun!
In healing from loss, I could see how my independence had become a shield that protected me from really living my life. My orientation to this part of myself finally could shift in my new understanding of what interconnection really is. This was not some new-agey artificial proclamation of “we are one” but a deep knowing of a story I’ve carried in my bones and cells from my ancestors for lifetimes.
Most people are not open about health and processes of healing. We’ve been taught that these are private matters. They are also a place of extreme vulnerability and most people do not want to be that vulnerable, be seen as vulnerable, or even know how to be.