An Interview with Amy Jo Goddard

An Interview With Amy Jo

Curious about working with Amy Jo? Please read this interview with the Sexual Empowerment Mentor about her work.

Your work seems very unique. How long have you been doing what you do and how did you decide to become a sexuality educator and coach?

My work is really unique and that’s part of what I love about it. I got into the sexuality field in the mid-90s as a young feminist activist and as someone who had difficult experiences on my own sexual journey.

I was determined to do work that would help other people avoid some of the things that were so hard for me. I also knew how amazing it felt to go from feeling sexually disempowered to being a sexually open, knowledgeable and empowered woman.

I used to feel totally in the dark about sex. Like many teens, I went through a lot of difficult and regrettable experiences with sex and sexuality. I felt totally isolated and alone with all of it with no one I could talk to—not my girlfriends, certainly not my father or my mother or any other adult who could help me. I grew up in a single parent home with my dad who was in the military. My mom was still in my life and she was a self-identified prude, and a “recovering Catholic.” There just wasn’t a lot of conversation about sex!

It wasn’t until I got to college and took a human sexuality class that my world opened up. I felt upset that I had to wait so long to get this very important information. Let me tell you, that was the only textbook I ever read cover to cover! I finally had permission to masturbate and explore my own sexuality. I was learning how to talk about it. Finally, I learned how to have an orgasm at long last, after years of frustration that I couldn’t. I came out as queer* after college and began dating women.

I’ve shared my story because I know what it’s like to be in a place of disempowerment—to the point where it hurt me. I know there are many people who have gone through their own experiences of feeling isolated, uninformed and scared about sexual relationships or their bodies. Many factors went into my becoming able to talk about sex, to have fulfilling sexual relationships, to understand my sexual identity, and to carry my own sexual power. Part of my journey now is to help others walk through that door.

*NOTE: The word “queer” is confusing to some people because historically it has been used in a derogatory way. I identify as “queer” rather than gay, lesbian or bisexual for many reasons. For me, Queer is a political identity and it encompasses more than who I am attracted to or have relationships with. It also speaks to who I am as an activist and as someone living my life in many ways that are different and not the dominant norm. “Lesbian” is limiting because I have relationships with people of more than one gender and “Bisexual” is limiting because I do not see gender as a binary.

What kind of training and experience do you have to be able to do the work you do?

That college course planted the seed for my becoming a sexuality educator. I felt strongly that I wanted to do work that would empower women and girls around their sexuality. However, I wasn’t sure how exactly. I looked for academic programs and ultimately came to New York to study. I chose to go to graduate school at New York University for a Master’s degree in Human Sexuality Education. I wanted the formal education and the credentials to back up my work. I had amazing mentors and teachers who not only taught me academically, but also guided me on my personal journey of self-empowerment.

While at NYU, I taught comprehensive sexuality classes in a public alternative high school for my graduate assistantship. I initially learned my facilitation skills working with youth at the CityKids Foundation where I was a senior trainer. I trained diverse youth in leadership development and developed a teen pregnancy prevention program. I went on to work for Planned Parenthood of NYC where I was Assistant Director of Education. Part of my duties were to manage professional training initiatives. And I had the incredible experience of providing comprehensive sexuality education to children from pre-K to high school in NYC public schools. I also worked with parents, teachers and administrators.

I trained HIV prevention educators via the Gay Men’s Health Crisis and provided workshops for students and school faculty about L/G/B/T issues in order to combat homophobia. My experience has been wide-ranging. After a number of years as an independent consultant-trainer, it was time for me to launch my own programs. That way, I could do the intensive work I love to do on my own terms. I started to provide my classes to adults in NYC and around the country. I travel a lot providing lectures and workshops on the college/university circuit, at conferences and to communities.

I trained with Betty Dodson as a body sex coach and have since studied sex coaching and expanded my coaching to encompass other modalities and skills for both individuals and couples. I was fortunate enough to meet Betty Dodson while in graduate school and count her as one of my close mentors. I worked with her on many projects and was invited to join a professional women’s sexuality group that she was a part of. Fresh out of grad school, I was beginning to be surrounded by some of the greatest minds and strongest feminists in the sexuality field. I felt intimidated, but I knew one day I would offer something special for women that could help them have powerful experiences, support, and education about their sexuality.

I have developed classes, my coaching work, and my Sexually Empowered Life program for women out of my history and my desire to help other women work on their own sexuality in a deep and meaningful way—a space I would have loved to have had myself.

What exactly do you do in The Sexually Empowered Life program?

The Sexually Empowered Life is a totally unique opportunity to grow your sexuality with a group of other women who are also committed to growing theirs. This program is a combination of DEEP work on the sexual self through:

Discussion, coaching and self-exploration;
Examination of our sexual history and patterns;
Experiential exercises that allow women to step into varying aspects of their sexuality for direct inner wisdom;
Education about sexuality and the sexual body; and
Profound rituals and special events;

It involves “homefun” in between classes, allows participants to develop sexual/relational skills through guided exercises, pushes boundaries, and asks that you bring your whole self to the process. It is a rare opportunity to dive deeply into the study and development of your own sexual self. Women of all sexual orientations and backgrounds are welcome.

Because what we do is so special and so unique, the particulars cannot be revealed here. It is an experiential process that is about peeling back the many layers of your sexuality to celebrate them, heal them, nourish them, explore them and embrace them. You get expert coaching, facilitation and guidance from me and you get a whole community of women to support you in your process. The group experience is absolutely profound.

What are your coaching programs like?

For my sex and relationship coaching, I meet with clients 3xs per month at a pre-assigned time via phone or online. For couples work, I always work online (by video) so that I can see the couple and how they are responding to one another.

My coaching is available in packages. Our sexuality took our whole lives to develop. It takes time to unravel the things that are wound up, to uncover the wounds that need healing and to develop the skills that will help us to have a more satisfying and fulfilling sexual life. I do not believe in the quick fix so I do not offer it. It’s unsatisfying for me and I don’t believe it serves my clients. If you are seeking a quick fix, we are not a good fit. The tenants of my group work apply to my individual and couples coaching and my packages begin with a six month commitment.

Who are your clients exactly?

I work with people who have come to a place in their life where they are unfulfilled in some way and are ready to take action to be more powerful, more sexual and more authentic.

They tend to be:

Creative
Ready to be more powerful and be more of who they truly are
On a spiritual path and actively seeking to invest in personal growth
Either feminist-identified or feel strongly about gender equity
Clear that growing their sexuality is essential to a more fulfilling life and a more equitable world
Ready to heal
Passionate
Longing to feel powerful as a woman
Of all sexual orientations
Ready to do their “work” and know they have “work to do”

My focus is primarily on women and couples. I work with some men, but only men who are able to acknowledge that they have some valuable work to do on their sexuality and are willing to put in the serious effort to do it. I find that these men are rare, and when they show up, they are a treat to work with. Mostly, I work with men in my couples work, where the couple is developing their capacity for a more intimate, authentic, sexual, caring and fulfilling relationship.

What issues do your clients tend to have?

My clients tend to feel sexually disempowered and/or misunderstood. They don’t have enough time for themselves. Some of the issues and feelings that clients have come into my work wanting to address are:

they don’t have partners who meet their sexual and intimate needs or even understand how to do so
they feel depleted, unsupported, or unappreciated sexually
they do not experience as much pleasure, desire and playfulness as they would like
they don’t have a relationship and can’t seem to find the lover of their dreams and maybe they are beginning to question whether they will ever find it
they feel confused about their sexual desires or identity
they do not have orgasms or are unsatisfied with the quality/quantity of their orgasms and pleasure
they struggle with abundance in their life on multiple levels
they want to love their body more deeply and honestly
they have unmet intimate needs due to poor communication in their relationships
they need healing to clear sexual trauma or pain
they want to heal the parts of them that have been shamed or traumatized around sexuality
they need to release sexual shame and guilt
they don’t know how to speak up for themselves to get their needs met
they don’t prioritize their sexuality and feel guilty for wanting to
they think they don’t deserve it or that it’s just not in the cards for them
they want a more creative, vibrant life and know that working on developing their sexuality will open them up to having it
they know there is “something more” and just can’t put their finger on what it is, but they know it relates to their sexuality

How are you different from other sex and relationship coaches and educators?

I am tough yet gentle, honest yet compassionate. By pushing you beyond your comfort zone and giving you opportunities to take risks I assist you to break through your blocks into ease, pleasure, and flow. I use my personal sexuality model to help you develop your sexual energy, create more connection and intimacy in your relationships, and make more powerful choices in your life.

I facilitate sexual growth in both individual sessions and intimate group experiences. I address sexual issues expertly with comfort, ease and openness. My core curriculum is unique. It includes sexual shame, body education and affirmation, cultural stereotypes, sexual archetypes, and intimacy skills to help women create a more powerful, satisfying sex life. It incorporates solid sex education with ritual and experiential work. As a result of the varied modalities, my programs reach more people more deeply.

What type of personality do you work best with and what is expected of me?

I work best with women who are seeking a change in their lives and know the change begins with their core sexuality. My clients are ready to work and have the courage. In spite of the obstacles, they are READY to do honest work on their sexual self.

This work requires a deep level of self-honesty, self-effacement and humility. It’s about being vulnerable and learning to see vulnerability as powerful. My ideal client wants a vibrant sexual life and is ready to demand the fulfilling relationships she deserves.

I am the guide; you must do the work. There has to be a commitment to making sexuality a priority. Once you commit to this process, the journey has just begun. It requires consistency, even when resistance comes up. It’s an active, engaging process that will help anyone who is ready make great strides in life and relationships. My clients are amazed at what opens up for them when a commitment is made to develop sexually.

I feel nervous about working on my sexuality. It’s very private for me. Part of me wants to be able to do this work, but I’m not sure how. What suggestions can you make so that I can get over my fear and take steps to work on my sexuality?

Congratulations for reading this far! If you have, it means that what I’m saying is striking a chord. Something inside you knows the value of engaging actively with your own sexual growth.

The way to overcome fear is to take a step, so you have already begun! There is nothing wrong in asking for assistance with your sexuality. In fact, it’s a tremendously courageous act. I think the world would be so much healthier if we all would. The world tells us “sexuality is just natural,” therefore we shouldn’t need any help with it. We learn that we shouldn’t talk about it because “it’s private”. These ideas aren’t true and they hold us back from expressing our full sexual nature.

This cultural story about sexuality keeps us in ignorance and pain. Think about it this way; we can understand how someone needs a coach to become proficient at a sport, or a teacher to learn a business or vocational skill. Don’t you think we need guidance about something as complex as sexuality? You bet we do! We don’t question seeing a therapist to help us with our psychological health or seeing a doctor about our physical health. Well, your sexual health and well being are just as important. People who really want to get to the next level with their sexual selves and live more fulfilling lives deserve the appropriate guidance; someone who is expertly trained and who understands the depth of their struggles with sexuality. Whether you choose me or someone else, you are giving yourself a gift by saying, “I want to invest in my sexuality. I want to get more comfortable with it. I want to explore and expand it.”

This work will absolutely create more happiness and expansion in your life. Sexuality is where our energy begins. If we work on that, it impacts everything else. You may not know where to start—that’s fine. Just start. If you work with me, I’ll offer you a structure that helps you get comfortable working on sex and sexuality. It will clarify that it’s as important as any other self-development work you might choose to do.

And we’ll have fun while we do it.

What happens if you haven’t yet worked with people like me?

I am highly trained to work with different issues and different kinds of people. Sometimes a new issue comes up that I haven’t had experience with and we both get to learn. I have a vast network of colleagues with whom I can collaborate and resources I can tap. If need be, I can always refer you to someone else. Regardless of the issue, it exists within a context that I am well versed in. I will always make my best assessment and if I know I’m not right for the job, I’ll tell you. More often than not, we’ll find a way to work together if we both feel good about our connection.

For what type of person is this program NOT going to work?

My work is not for people who are looking for an erotic thrill. Please seek out someone else. There are people who provide thrill-seekers with everything under the sun and they provide a wonderful service to people. That is not what I do. I am here to work with people who are serious about making changes to their sexual lives. It takes a pretty special person to work on themselves in this way. I pre-screen everyone to make sure we both feel we are a good fit for each other.

What if I really want to do it but don’t feel ready to invest?

If you do not yet believe you can invest money, time and/or energy in your sexuality, we are not suited for each other at this time. If you do not have the financial resources to invest at this time, I have other low-cost and no-cost ways for you to learn and stay connected, and when you do have the money/time/energy to invest, contact me and we’ll get started.

Is it really worth it to spend money on my sexuality? It seems like a luxury.

How much do you value your sexuality? By investing in it, you are setting a cosmic process in motion to assist you to reach new levels of your being and to embrace joy, playfulness, pleasure and authenticity. How can things stay the same if you are willing to step into your sexuality wholly? It’s impossible!

You might have a hard time feeling like you “deserve” to work on your sexuality. Maybe you think of it as luxury. That’s part of a consciousness based in lack and deprivation that keeps you stuck. Working on sexuality opens your being to aliveness, vibrancy, abundance and radiance.

I believe our sexuality and intimate relationships are an essential part of who we are and the number one thing that makes us happy or unhappy in our lives. Because we have so much silence around sex, we have a hard time speaking up and acknowledging how deeply we want to connect with our sexual selves more authentically. When we do connect, we become attuned to life, abundance and joy. What is that worth to you?

If I’m not sure I’m ready to get started, how can I sample your work at low cost to see if it’s the right solution for me?

If you are not energetically, financially or psychologically ready to begin, you can join my free Ezine where I share weekly articles and tips to assist people with their sexuality and relationships. I sometimes offer affordable classes or free nights where you can come experience my work. I announce all of my offerings in my Ezine. Go to my home page to sign up.

What results can I expect?

Women come to my coaching or the program with varying goals. You will set goals for what you want to accomplish and they are addressed. You get support for your specific sexual needs in a non-judgmental, loving environment that supports your success. I can’t predict exactly what shifts will happen for you, but they will happen. When communities of women come together to do deep work on themselves, very powerful things occur.

You are not alone. You have sisters walking the path with you. No matter what level you are at now in your sexual development, there is always more. If you commit to the process, you’ll change how you approach your sexuality and give yourself permission to have the abundant sexuality you so deserve, whatever that looks like for you!

Some of the things women have reported receiving as a result of the program are:

Greater comfort and ease with their sexuality as a whole
Clarity about sexual desires and needs
New communication skills so they more effectively get what they want from their relationships and sex life
Identification, healing and release of sexual shame
Happier, more fulfilling relationships
More pleasure, deeper orgasms, and more playfulness in relationships
More confidence, which means more sexual/intimate partner possibilities, more business and creative life expansion, and more joyful expression
New possibilities for sexual exploration and expression
Authentic love for their body
Better ability to parent their children without shaming them
Acknowledgement and understanding of parts of their identities that have been in hiding
More alignment in their relationships and their lives
More knowledge about their sexual selves
The ability to work on a current relationship with care and purpose
Openness and more ease in talking about sexuality and relationships

The result of working with me is an internal alignment that connects your sexuality to the whole of who you are. Such a connection attracts healthier, more fulfilling relationships, more pleasure and playfulness, and a new way of getting your needs met so you never ever settle for less than you deserve again.

How will we work together and what does the program entail?

The Sexually Empowered Life program lasts six months. I couple that with 3-6 months of coaching that allows you to have one-on-one time with me to work on specific issues. When paired with coaching, women can fully excavate and examine every part of their sexual selves as I lead them through my system for sexual empowerment. Additionally, they get on-going group support from other women who are on a similar journey. I encourage you to do some coaching before the group program, some during, and some after so that we can be working on multiple levels and build momentum. You may also choose to do much of the coaching before or after depending on the urgency of your needs and the time frame that works best for you. We will set a weekly time to connect online or for specific types of work, in person.

It is an honor for me to be a part of this transformation with the women who decide to work with me on this precious and powerful part of themselves.

Can I contact some of your former clients to see what it’s like to work with you?

Yes. Look at the testimonials on my website. If there is someone specific you’d like to speak to, I will put you in touch. I can also offer a list of women who are willing to talk to new clients about the work.

Do people ever extend their work and re-up?

Yes! Some women want more. They don’t want to lose the community. They want continued focus and momentum for their sexuality. I offer options to graduates for continuing to do work after the initial program has ended.

Do you accept credit cards? Do you have payment plans?

I accept credit cards (Visa, Mastercard and American Express), as well as checks and cash. I have a variety of payment plans available depending on the length of your coaching commitment.

Okay, I know which program I want. How do we get started?

Great! Congratulations on deciding to invest in your sexual life. Write to us at info@amyjogoddard.com to set up a get acquainted call right away!

I have a family and a busy life. Although I want to develop my sexuality and feel more fulfilled in my relationships, I don’t have much time to spare. How much time do I need?

It’s like anything else: what you put into it, you get out of it. By signing up for a program, you are automatically setting aside time each week just for YOU, for the class and for your sexuality. You will also want to set aside other time to write or do the homefun assignments, which are designed to be transformative and revealing. It’s up to you how much you give to it and structures will be provided to help you create space for it in your life.

Okay, I’m ready to do this for myself! I just have a couple of additional questions. Can I call you?

If you know you are ready, let’s have a short 20-minute get acquainted call so I can see if we are a good fit. Email us at info@amyjogoddard.com to set up an appointment.