Sex + Money: The Two Pillars of Joy

There are two things we don’t teach young people about, and that we do a poor job of teaching adults about. They are the two things we need most–and also the two things for which education and the right tools would be a total game changer.

Ever wonder why we get zero financial education except maybe an economics class—but nothing that teaches us how to really excel with money and have a healthy relationship to it? Or why we get so little, if any, sex education, and if we do, the messages are often so limited, antiquated or irrelevant that the education doesn’t impact our lives in meaningful ways?

How do you look at money?

We absolutely need money to live and thrive. The impact on people’s lives that financial and abundance education and tools can have is unlike nearly anything else. Teaching a person how to get out of their own way around money, how to see their blind spots, how to overcome the lack mindset they learned in their families or communities and how to actually make money is a total life changer. Nothing will uplevel a person’s life more than those tools, if they hold them right.

Likewise, sex is a fundamental part of people’s lives and happiness. Relationships are one of the most important parts of our everyday lives and if we do not know how to be in them, and how to have empowered, satisfying, gratifying, mutually desired sexual experiences, we will feel the famine of human love, joy and pleasure. Sexuality is a core part of who we all are, whether or not we choose to be sexual with other people. Having access to relevant adult sex education changes people’s entire outlook on life and their experience of freedom and wholeness.

Nothing transforms people’s lives more than breaking through around sex and money. Sex and money are the most meaningful ways we exchange energy. They help us to improve our lives, break down our walls, open to more abundance, enjoy living and loving, and do the things that make us happy. Sex and money are the bedrock of self-actualization, for without either, we stay in feelings of lack, wanting more, feeling incomplete, and often, angry, frustrated and bitter.

How are your relationships?

I know for myself, my divorce was the best thing that could have happened to me because it forced me to figure out how to bring more money and abundance into my life. After spending my whole adult life making just enough to get by (and sometimes not even that much), and being in a relationship with a partner who made much more than I did and had supported me in living how I wanted to live in many ways, I was suddenly on my own and I had to figure it out for myself.

I thought, “I’m smart, and this isn’t rocket science. I can figure out this equation around money.” I knew there was something I was missing, something I didn’t know or was ignorant about and that I needed to find teachers who could show me. So I did.

And I totally transformed my relationship to money, my life, and my business. I completely changed what I believed was possible. I started making more than I’d ever made and created a business model that worked. Most of all, I got out of my own way and changed the way I was thinking about money—that is the most challenging part of the work, and the most crucial.

I’ve transformed my sexual life more times than I can count. I’ve been lucky to have incredible sexuality education my whole adult life, and that has allowed me to have expansive sex and relationships, a powerful connection to my own body and pleasure, and to be fully sexually expressed. It has opened the door for me to create unusual, out-of-the-box, polyamorous relationships, to explore kink and BDSM and to live and play in the sexual complexity that is authentically who I am.

If you are not happy with your sexual or financial life, or you want more in either, ask yourself if you have put enough energy into changing your patterns and relationship to these two pillars of joy. Ask yourself how much time, energy, and money you have invested in your financial education, and in your sex education.

How much have you invested?

Whatever you give energy to grows. I see this principle at work all the time when women come to my workshops. As soon as they sign up, things begin to move. They get a job offer or new clients. The lover they’ve dreamed of shows up. Opportunities appear. It puts a smile on my face every time, because I know when things move like that, it is the energy of life ricocheting back to them the more they are seeking because they took a risk, made an investment and stood in a powerful decision.

And that is the recipe for quantum growth. Huge leaps happen when you take big steps, when you’ve got skin in the game. Whatever you think is missing—put some skin in the game so you can begin to change it now. Today. Not tomorrow. Not next year. Make time for the things you want most right now. Because they are here for you. Whether that means seeing a financial advisor, going to a sex coach or workshop, buying a new book, taking a class, doing some journaling, putting together a study group or getting some mentorship in some other way, take a step. Start asking for what you really want—it’s the only way you actually get it. What would new energy, tools, education and experiences around both sex and money mean for you? There is only one way to find out.

Your Journey to Sexual Wholeness: Coming home to your sexual self

dancing in the clearing

Adapted from my class The Journey To Sexual Wholeness: The 7 Gateways to Sexual Empowerment.  The journey to sexual wholeness is not linear. Sometimes it’s circuitous.  The last few weeks we have been talking about the 7 gateways to sexual … [Continue reading]

Welcome to your Sexually Empowered Life!

As a sexuality educator and sex and relationship coach, I am committed to empowering people to heal, nurture and celebrate their sexuality and have fulfilling intimate relationships. I believe that healthy sexuality and non-violent, emotionally … [Continue reading]

Your Journey to Sexual Wholeness: Where to go next…

beach illuination

Adapted from my class The Journey To Sexual Wholeness: The 7 Gateways to Sexual Empowerment.  Many of you know that I’ve worked with thousands of people around sexuality and relationships over my 20-year career—in fact September was my … [Continue reading]

Increasing your creative flow

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Your Journey to Sexual Wholeness: Where to begin…

Adapted from my class Journey To Sexual Wholeness: The 7 Gateways to Sexual Empowerment.  I have midwifed so many women through a process of stepping into their personal power and in creating the sexual and financial fulfillment they deeply … [Continue reading]

Dancing Around Sexual Vulnerability

I’m feeling pretty grateful this week, as we’re completing the final weekend of the fourth generation of the Women’s Sexually Empowered Life Program here in Napa. I’m struck by how profound vulnerability is for the change people are able … [Continue reading]

Rebirthing Yourself Out of Loss

Experiencing a painful loss this week as my animal companion and dear friend of nearly 19 years went to the next world, I got to thinking about what is birthed out of loss. There is no greater human experience than love and loss—two sides of the … [Continue reading]

Is Your Diploma in “Not Enough”?

We’ve all heard about the historical legacy of women not making as much money as men for the same jobs—a pattern that (not) surprisingly still exists today. Part of the reason is that women are afraid to ask for raises or more money and are … [Continue reading]

What’s the Value of Your Sex Life?

Multiple times a week I hear people say they want their sexuality to be a priority, they want to put more energy into it, or they want to stop putting their sex life on the back burner. My response is usually that if they really want their sexual … [Continue reading]