It seems true that in every city there is an old lesbian bar that is sadly empty on most weeknights with an old dyke behind the bar greeting the evening goers who do venture in, which touts itself the old classic meeting place in town.

In New York, that bar is Henrietta Hudson. In Brooklyn, it’s Ginger’s Bar. I’ve been to similar spots in Seattle and Cleveland. Once, while visiting the Cleveland area, I drove with friends for the better part of an hour and a bit of searching to find The 5 Cent Decision, a.k.a. The Nickel, only to walk in and find the old mulleted bartender with one other patron chatting her up at the end of the bar. The only beer choice was PBR. It was a bit of a let down.

Paris, seemingly, is no different from those American cities. READ MORE>

Last week on my plane ride home from New Mexico, I sat next to a friendly man who struck up conversation, which quickly led to the question of “So, what do you do?” When my conversations with people lead to “What do you do?” and I tell them I’m a sex and relationship coach and a sexuality educator, their wheels always turn, immediately looking for some framework in which to put my work. Inevitably, they cannot find one.

When I told him I teach sexuality, he began with questions that went from curious: “Wow, so what does that mean?” to over-eager comments: “I just LOVE sex. I think sex should be part of EVERY day!” to inappropriate: (as he put his hand on my knee) “So do people ever assume things about you because of what you do? You know, come on to you or things like that?”

“Like you are doing right now?” I asked. Then to oblivious: “Oh, does that bother you?” To sincere: “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

My career does sometimes confuse people, so I thought I’d start my 2012 blog by explaining it a bit and talking about what you get when you invest in your sexuality.
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We have many ways of marking our lives in meaningful ways. As a ritualist, I find ways to ritualize many things in my life and relationships. As the year comes to a close, might I suggest that you find a way to ritualize it for yourself, and make it meaningful on an internal level? I'm offering a New Year's ritual that's perfect to do by yourself or with others.

If you have a partner, good friend or group of people you’d like to share this with, community is wonderful to include in such introspection. It's a great way to take some time to reflect on your life and all of its gifts as the year turns, and to welcome the New Year with power.

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It's virtually impossible to grow up in a culture like ours, which treats sexuality as taboo, something to be afraid of, or something to avoid, without experiencing sexual shame. At some point in our lives, we all take in messages of shame about our sexuality, our sexual body, our sexual responses and desire, our experiences or lack of experiences, our gender and identity, or other aspects of who we have been or who we are as sexual people.

That shame is tremendously powerful and it isolates you and makes you do anything you can to never feel that way again. It comes from all directions: from your family, friends or peers, church, synagogue or temple, from the media. As you are molded to be a certain kind of sexual being (or even a non-sexual being), if you divert from cultural standards and expectations, you are questioned, and sometimes feel a sense of guilt for what you have done or not done, or shame for who you are.

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